However, considering how intense they have been, it seems that there might be some anxiety involved? Are you afraid of these things? I mean, obviously, who wouldn’t be, but I mean do you think about it a lot and stuff? And I mean before the dreams started. Well, dreaming about someone you know dying is supposed to mean, not that they will die, but rather that there is going to be a major life change, either in your life or in theirs or in reference to them. I just need help, can anybody explain to me what it means? Because I have no friggin’ clue. I dont want them to come true, if they did I would commit suicide… I’ll probably end up doing that anyways though. I’ve already thought about suicide, but I have been cutting so I can ease the pain of the dreams. I understand if you think I’m insane, and honestly I dont care… I just want the dreams to stop. This was the reason I started cutting again, that and a few old memories that I know are going to be brought back up in the future. No matter what I do, even if I am having a good day that day, they always come to me, no matter where I am at.
I dont want to think that way, but I just cant help it. I cant help the feeling that they might actually come true some day.
#I close my eyes and i slip away how to#
I dont know how to make them stop, I dont know why they keep coming to me, but they do. Every dream has somebody dead in it, and it is making me think I’m going crazy. They go from being about my family, to my boyfriend, me being raped, and somebody trying to kill me. I cant get these dreams to stop, they are so brutal and horrible. When he got there, I was strapped to my bed… Saying over and over again “He raped me”. I told my boyfriend and he said he was on his way over. I went into my step brothers room and there he was, clinging to the was, strapped there… With his throat slit too. Shirtless, with markings on his chest and his throat slit as well. My stepdad was sitting, strapped, in a chair. I hesitated to open the door and when I did, she was hanging upside down from the ceiling, with her throat slit. I got up to get the phone and went out of my room and there was a pool of blood outside my moms door. Last night, I dreamed that it was morning, I was just waking up…. I told my ex, David and he said “Have you thought about seeing a phsyciotrist?” I geuss I had it coming… They wont stop though, I’m afraid to go to sleep at night because of it. I told my boyfriend and he said I wasnt crazy, course he was probably only saying what I wanted to hear.
It got so bad last night that I started crying myself back to sleep. I keep dreaming about people who are important to me, dying. Patience is a virtue after all.These past couple of months I have been having weird dreams… So weird that I litterally think I’m going insane. A girl can keep herself entertained while she waits. In the meantime, I have a great imagination and plenty of toys. He may not be here today but he will one day soon. I listen to the sound of the trumpet playing on the radio, and close my eyes once more. I lay in my bed, a sheen of sweat on my forehead, a smile on my lips. My hips move in rhythm, inviting the spasm and pleasure to take over and take me away. It starts at my toes and goes up to the top of my head. I imagine him biting my neck just as the wave begins. I can feel the pressure building, a volcano ready to erupt. The feel of my hands and the toy take my further and further. I arch my hips, inserting the vibrator that sits next to me. I slip my fingers inside me, taking in the soft warmth of my body, my desire growing with every thrust. He is hard, excited, as eager to take me as I am to be taken. We lose ourselves in the night, in each other, exploring and discovering new things along the way. My mind wanders to a place, far away, where it is just he and I, as the rest of the world sleeps. The music is still playing and I lose myself in it’s sounds. I imagine his hands are mine as they move further down, slowly tracing a circle between my thighs. I trace a line down my stomach, breathing in deeply and giving a soft sigh.
#I close my eyes and i slip away skin#
My skin breaks out in goosebumps, as I cup my breasts, slowly massaging them and taking in the sensation.
Further down to my breasts, my nipples reacting to being touched. Down to my collar bone, I trace the dip there, imagining what it would feel like to have lips, eager and wet on that very spot.
I find myself biting my bottom lip as a sigh escapes. My hands start at my face, my fingertips tracing the outline of my jaw, then my lips. The cotton sheets feel good on my skin, soft and inviting. A slow jazz song is blaring through the speakers, the trumpet and piano intermingle, and I allow the sounds to relax me as I close my eyes and lay back on my bed.
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